The Burn Cookbook38 Fetch-uccini AlfredoWe’re making this pasta happen, Gretchen!We hear that in England this pasta is bigger than Toaster Strudel. But quit crying, loser, and stop trying to make garlic bread happen. This fettuccini is enough, you cow.SERVES 5, OR 1 IF YOU’RE REALLY ON THE ALL-CARB DIETWHAT YA NEED1 pound fettuccini pasta (1 box)1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter 3 tablespoons heavy cream Pinch nutmeg Pinch pink salt½ pound Parmesan cheese, gratedBurnCookBook_HCtext4P_ (FM-ch2).indd 38 7/25/18 2:56:22 PMMAKE IT FAF. Yup we said it here, this pasta is fetch as f*ck. And cheap, too, so you can keep buying those FAF Fendi purses. • Start by cooking the pasta according to the box directions; drain, and set aside. • In a large skillet, melt the butter over low heat and add the cream, nutmeg, and salt. Let simmer for a minute and toss in the cooked pasta and Parmesan cheese. Turn frequently to make sure the pasta gets a nice even coat of this ooey gooey sauce. Cook for an additional 2 to 4 minutes, until combined and well socialized, and serve immediately. FETCH FACTSWe can’t help it we’re so popular! Even former president Barack Obama loved Mean Girls. The White House tweeted a picture of the first family’s dog, Bo Obama, captioned “Bo, stop trying to make fetch happen.” BurnCookBook_HCtext4P_ (FM-ch2).indd 39 7/25/18 2:56:22 PMThe Burn Cookbook114 Homeschooled Jungle Veggie BowlDo they eat meat in Girl World?Well, actually they don’t eat anything, but let’s not go there. Plus, this recipe needed to be here. Veggie girls are basically gap-toothed Martians to us, but we had to provide at least one non-meat option. Otherwise how would all the vegetarians be able to ’Gram about being vegetarians? SERVES 2 WHAT YA NEED1 cup farro3 cups vegetable broth1 red bell pepper, seeded and quartered1 medium zucchini, sliced1 medium yellow squash, sliced 1 portobello mushroom½ red onion, thickly sliced Olive oil for drizzlingPink salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste 1 cup spinach ½ cup Greek yogurtYour choice of chopped fresh herbs: mint, parsley, cilantro FETCH FACTSThe original title for Mean Girls was Homeschooled.BurnCookBook_HCtext4P_(ch6-BM).indd 114 7/25/18 2:45:36 PM115Mean Grills (She Doesn’t Even Grill Here) MAKE IT Okay kids, whether you’re homeschooled or not, LUNCH is one of the most important meals of the day. Wherever you sit at North Shore, you need some whole grains and veggies to get past the afternoon hump and not fall over and DIE during 5th period PE.• So, get your aprons on and start by cooking your farro in the veggie broth according to the package instructions, then set aside. • While your farro is cooking, FIRE UP THAT GRILL to high to cookie your veg!! You’ll want to get a nice char and blisters on these beauties so direct high heat is key. In a small bowl, toss your sliced veggies (pepper, zucchini, squash, mushroom, and onion) with a drizzle of olive oil and some salt and pepper and then throw them on the grill. If you have a veggie grill basket—f*ck yes, go for it! If not, you’ll have to just pay careful attention to the grates and try to keep from losing your lunch in the fire hole. Grill those veggies ’til they achieve that gorgeous char we were talking about; 10 minutes should be plenty of time on some fierce fire. • Gather up the farro, your grilled veggies, and that tasty raw spinach and get ready to assemble your masterpiece. Find your two prettiest bowls and load up! I like to place my ingredients in piles next to each other so they all shine like the superstars they are, and it makes for a super-colorful, highly Insta-worthy dish. • To dress your bowls, whip together a creamy topping: In another small dish, mix the yogurt with a pinch of salt and dash of olive oil. Use a dollop of this as a cooling creamy sauce, then top the bowls with chopped fresh herbs and dig in! Health Freak Note: No farro? Substitute brown rice, quinoa, or lentils. Just cook according to package instructions. BurnCookBook_HCtext4P_(ch6-BM).indd 115 7/25/18 2:45:36 PM141Get In, Loser, It’s Desserts The Fun-Fetchy CakeIf the Plastics had a mascot, this cake would be it!Okay babes, you want a cake of rainbows and smiles but short on time and cash? This cake mix hack is everything. We F-ing love Funfetti—everybody loves Funfetti—and if there’s a quicker way to get to the same results, we’ll take it. More time for champagne drinking and pillow fights, amiright? We’ve kicked up the ingredients a notch from what the box calls for and, we promise, it will taste like it just came hot off the set of Cake Wars. JB has seen a sh*t ton of cakes in his life and THIS ONE is by far his fav. Eat it alone, share it with friends, whatever . . . just don’t give any to that scum-sucking road whore who ruined your life.SERVES 10WHAT YA NEEDFOR THE CAKENonstick cooking spray1 (15¼-ounce) box Funfetti Premium Cake Mix 4 large eggs2⁄3 cup (11⁄3 sticks) butter, melted1 cup milk Rainbow sprinkles for decoratingFOR THE FROSTING1 cup whipping cream 1 (16-ounce) container vanilla frosting Pink food coloring SPECIAL EQUIPMENTElectric mixer, 2 (8-inch) cake pans, cake standBurnCookBook_HCtext4P_(ch6-BM).indd 141 7/25/18 2:45:36 PMHack That Cake!The Burn Cookbook142 BurnCookBook_HCtext4P_(ch6-BM).indd 142 7/25/18 2:45:36 PM143Get In, Loser, It’s Desserts MAKE IT Get your apron ON and cake stand OUT, you will most def want to put this beauty on display! Oh, and preheat your oven to 350°F. And be sure to grease up those cake pans with nonstick spray.• In a large metal mixing bowl, dump in the cake mix. Add the eggs, melted butter, and milk. Stir until well mixed. Divide the batter evenly between the 2 prepped cake pans and bake for 13 to 17 minutes, until a toothpick comes out clean if you stick it in the center. Let the cakes cool in their pans on a wire rack. Go have a glass of wine or something, until they are cool to the touch. • While the cakes cool, make the frosting. In a separate bowl, beat the cream with an electric mixer until peaks form. Then beat in the frosting and a couple drops of food coloring to get that pink you want. It should look light and creamy.• Carefully remove cooled cakes from their pans. Using a long, serrated knife, cut each in half lengthwise, so you have 4 cake rounds to stack up and layer in your final cake! Add a layer of frosting to the top of 3 rounds and stack them up on your prettiest of cake stands. Add the final round to the top of the pile and evenly frost the outside of all the layers. Decorate with sprinkles or whatever your precious heart desires. BurnCookBook_HCtext4P_(ch6-BM).indd 143 7/25/18 2:45:36 PMWe hope youenjoyed this EYB Book PreviewThe complete book is available from all major booksellers. Or use the "Buy Book" button and help support EYB.Next >